I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
