he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
