When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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