If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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