If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
only you would photoshop your dick
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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