My balls are so social today.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
