if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Let's paint friendship bongs
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize
