Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
