Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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