My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
You pole danced in your parka.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
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