Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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