What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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