Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
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