yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
She's the barista slut.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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