Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Randomize
