At least make sure they are 18
Why
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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