Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
