Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
