It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
