I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
