Got a toothbrush?
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
