He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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