after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
my penis made a compromise with my morals
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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