8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize