I just saw a hot homeless man
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
