I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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