I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
