He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
