Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
