I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
