saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
