my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
