my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
