doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
