I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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