My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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