well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
