I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Randomize
