Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
