We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
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