if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize