The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
