"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I've blown a few things in my day
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
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