Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
