Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
We smell like vodka and hangover
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
