i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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