My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
