We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
