I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
