Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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