Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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