If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize