No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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