margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
