You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Acid is not a monday night drug
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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