I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize