Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
