I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
if only i could text you this smell
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
