So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize