Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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