That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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