What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize