i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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