Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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